Climbing Out of the Crash

On February 20 I had started my journey of returning to normalcy after my depressive episode, today is the first day I can honestly say that I feel like myself again. I'm still exhausted all the time but I'm gonna toss that to the multiple surgeries that I've recently had and am still recovering from. Still just think about that, over a month and my life is just now reverting back to the way it was before. To be honest I bounced back a lot faster than I usually do, I credit that to how fast paced my life is now so I had to be much more determined this time around. There has been times where I've been stuck in a rut for months at a time stuck in this endless cycle of falling back into my depression. If you're reading this because you're expecting some magic algorithm on how to quickly revert to your normal routine you've come to the wrong place (if you do find one though send it this way). I'm writing this because I noticed that we talk about depressive episodes but never about how hard it is to climb out of the shallows afterwards.

The way I explain it to others who don't suffer from mental illnesses is like this:

Imagine you're running on a treadmill at max speed and you slip off mid stride and get flung off. Now try immediately after to jump back on and continue running at the same speed you were before, broken ankle and all.

Sounds ridiculous right? No one in their right mind would force someone with a physical injury to push themselves that soon after an injury. Yet society expects people who suffer from mental illness to just "shake off" our feelings of despair after an episode as if it's any different than a physical injury. We feel just as exhausted, battered, and tired yet no one seems to acknowledge that mental illnesses causes a toll on the body as well. The problem is no one seems to notice that we're suffering because our scars aren't visible, people can look at me and think that I'm the happiest person in the world without a care in the world. When in reality I haven't always been that way, that it has taken me many years of practice, self reflection, and sessions to get to where I am mentally right now. Even with all of those tools under my belt I still struggle trying to get my feet back on the ground.

I can't tell you that there's an easy way to get back to some sense of normalcy, I've been dealing with it for years and it's only gotten harder. What I can tell you is the mentality that you will need in order to finally get back to where you once were before the episode. It's honestly a pain and really exhausting but it's worth it when the world around you fills with color once more. You have to work to get back into a better place, you can't just sit around and wait for the depression to slowly wear off because that's how you fall deeper into the pit. It also takes dedication, you may not want to eat breakfast but at least nibbling on a muffin is a step in the right direction. Don't expect a dramatic change overnight, it takes time to feel like yourself again so don't let a lack of immediate turn around discourage you.

For me the best motivator was remembering how I feel on the good days and trying my hardest to get back to that point. There were days where I fell back into the pit but I always got back up, because the good days are worth fighting for. I know coming back from the crash is the hardest part, but remember you're never alone. I may not be an expert but I can at least listen and be there for you, because I understand that path that you're on.

Until next time on The Method to the Madness, stay beautiful.